


more than just a dream

by kingofghosting



Series: tma hurt/comfort week - 2020 [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Anxiety, Autistic Martin Blackwood, First Dates, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No beta we die like archival assistants, Self-Worth Issues, Shaky Hands, TMAHCweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26097511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingofghosting/pseuds/kingofghosting
Summary: "" No. No, this is Timothy Stoker we’re talking about. The heartthrob charismatic Tim Stoker who can get anyone he puts his mind to. Easily. No doubt in this man’s mind that he couldn’t win someone over without fucking it up. Right? ""-8/24 Monday - Self-worth Issues ♢ Pretend ♢ Shaky hands
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Tim Stoker
Series: tma hurt/comfort week - 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894819
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	more than just a dream

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the magnus archives](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/673903) by jonathan sims. 



> " You were out of my league  
> Got my heartbeat racing  
> If I die, don't wake me  
> 'Cause you are more than just a dream "
> 
> \- Fitz and The Tantrums

Tim looked at himself in the mirror, contemplating everything that led to this point. He leaned over the sink to stare closer, tracing his hands over healed scars and deep eyebags, smoothing out hair that stuck out wrong. Adjusting his button-up collar for what must have been the twelfth time tonight.

It was easy to get lost in thought. His phone buzzed against the marble counter, making Tim startle. He quickly grabbed it and leaned against the counter, checking the notification as casually as he could.

_ Oh, god damn it.  _

Tim quickly shoved his phone in his pocket, did one final touch up to his exterior, and then exited the restaurant bathroom.

Tim was the one who invited Martin out on a date in the first place. Well, he didn’t  _ say  _ it was a date, but the implications were there. Maybe that was why he was so nervous, why the hands tucked into his slacks were shaking so badly. It didn’t matter. 

But it  _ did  _ matter. If Martin saw this as a date, that means that he’s interested in Tim too, which is a win-win. But if Martin  _ didn’t  _ see it as a date, and just assumed that Tim wanted to take him to a fancy dinner to get away from the drama at the archives, then that probably means that Tim was looking into their relationship too much. The brushing of hands under tables, the small nicknames that they passed back and forth, the times that one would catch the other staring longingly, that one time Tim blew a kiss before he left… Maybe it was all just platonic affection. 

No. No, this is Timothy Stoker we’re talking about. The heartthrob charismatic Tim Stoker who can get anyone he puts his mind to. Easily. No doubt in this man’s mind that he couldn’t win someone over without fucking it up. Right?

He slid into the seat across from Martin, letting his worries slip away into the back of his mind. The other quickly set his phone down, raising Tim’s interest. Easy conversation topic to distract him from his awful brain thoughts.

“What were you looking at?” Tim asks casually, tilting his head slightly.

“Just an article off of social media. So, you know Jaws, right?”

Tim nodded. “The big movie with the shark that ate people on the beach?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Just an old article resurfaced about how it absolutely  _ ruined  _ the reputation of sharks as a species. I mean, they really aren’t wrong. Yeah, I mean, the guys are utterly terrifying, but that’s not  _ their  _ fault. It’s just like how people can’t choose exactly how they look, you know? Except we’re more aware of that than sharks are. And on top of it all, the movie increased the rates of shark-hunting, which made the population dwindle, and that is not great for the ecosystem, obviously. Any animal that exists is important in its own way. Even wasps and yellow jackets and spiders are important to the ecosystem as a whole, you know?”

Tim nodded absentmindedly. He was processing what Martin was saying, and at times he felt appropriate he would even respond, but he also was just in his own head. When wasn’t he? He tried to focus more on Martin. That was the most important thing in the room. More important than the food that was taking way too long to arrive, more important than the dim romantic atmosphere of the booth they sat in, more important than Tim himself. Martin was the world, and that’s what Tim wanted to focus on. So he did.

Martin always talked with his hands, gesturing loosely to accentuate his point further. He mainly stared off into the distance, at the wall, or at the table, anywhere that wasn’t Tim. Except for when he was asking Tim a question, which Tim normally answered in a way that could keep the conversation going. Honestly, it wasn’t much of a conversation. Just Martin talking endlessly about the ecosystem. Tim didn’t mind. He watched Martin’s hands move and relished the moments when their eyes met. Staring at the freckles that lined Martin’s cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, eventually gazing at his lips. Like the majority of Martin, his lips looked soft. Tim was eventually caught in a daydream of kissing Martin sweetly in the moonlight. He could still hear Martin talking, but was too absorbed in his thoughts to respond properly, so he simply gave sounds of affirmation when he felt it was right. 

“Are you even still listening? Tim,” Martin sighs, “If you respond to this with ‘mhm’, ‘yeah’, or ‘right’, I am going to assume that you tuned me out. Don’t think I can’t see you staring at my mouth, loverboy. You know, if you don’t coherently respond to this, I’m gonna bet you’re thinking about kissing me. Is that right?”

“Mhm,” Tim mumbles, totally not processing a word Martin was saying. 

Martin sighs, quickly glancing out of their booth to check if there were any waiters on the way, before reaching over the table and grasping Tim by the shirt to pull him into a kiss. 

When Martin kisses him, it opens the floodgates in Tim’s brain, unleashing every single thought he’s ever had at once. Questions ranging from “Oh my god I was right, he’s so soft, how can a human be this soft,” to “So he has to think this is a date, right,” to “What if this is out of pity?”

The kiss quick, but it’s enough to throw Tim through a loop. He blinks as he slinks back down into his seat, his brain short-circuiting and failing on the word delivery. He opens his mouth to speak, but he shuts it quickly. Martin was looking at him with a smug grin on his face that Tim desperately wanted to kiss away. 

Even when Tim does manage to get something out, it’s only one word. “Why?”

Martin shrugged, propping his elbow on the table and resting his chin on his hand. “I mean, you were staring. What, was that  _ not  _ why you were staring at me?”

“N- No, It was,” Tim stuttered, “but I didn’t expect you to just… Do it.”

“I’m full of surprises.” He laughs softly, grinning like a bastard. It made Tim smile back, pushing past the hot red flush that painted his face.

Their food shortly arrived, and they mostly ate in silence. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t really… peaceful, either. Tim came to the conclusion that it was only because neither of them wanted to talk through a mouthful of food, and nothing else. That never had stopped Tim before, but he pretended as if it did now. He was pretty good at the pretending thing, acting like everything is fine. Acting like things aren’t bothering him when in reality they’re digging into his skin like nails on a chalkboard. 

Tim ate what he could stomach, but he mainly just poked at the food he ordered. He took a sip of his water and tried to ground himself, the anxiety of the situation starting to boil over. Martin must’ve noticed, because he had grabbed the wooden spoon and begun to stir, trying to prevent the water from overflowing.

“Tim? Is something on your mind?” 

Turns out, sometimes stirring can just make the problem worse.

“Martin… What do you see in me?”

The other blinks, considering Tim’s words for a moment. “What?”

“What do you see in me? I mean, a lot of people like me, and that’s fine. I like being liked. But most of the time, people just… Like me for my looks. Not even just in a romantic way, some people just want to hang out with me because I’m attractive. I’m not complaining by any means, but I… Martin, you’re a very kind and genuine person. You’re sweet, sweeter than anyone I’ve ever met, and you’re handsome, and… If you put your mind to it, you could have anyone you want. Why me?”

“Tim…” Martin searches for the right words. “I could be asking you the same thing. You’re so charming, Tim, and it’s not just your looks. It’s the way you carry yourself, your mannerisms, your speaking patterns, all of it. I like you, for you. And I think that’s enough.”

Martin gently took Tim’s hands in his, their arms stretching the distance of the table. Tim wanted to be closer. So did Martin, based on the way he was squeezing Tim’s hand like if he let go, he’d disappear. There was a buildup of tears that slowly threatened to spill from Tim’s eyes, and he noticed quickly that Martin was looking at him with increasing worry. With a final squeeze, Tim promised Martin he’d be back as he quickly stood and made his way to the front counter. He eventually returned with empty styrofoam to-go boxes and a bag with the restaurant’s logo printed in curly letters, Martin and Tim packing the food away quickly while they received the check and paid. 

The night air was crisp and the sky was clear, stars dimly shining down on them. Tim set the bag in the back of his car, taking a deep breath when the door was closed. He turned and saw Martin standing close by, and smiled. 

“I… I really appreciate it, Martin. The words, I mean.”

Martin smiled gingerly. “It’s no problem at all, Tim. I… I really care about you. And I know you care about me. I’m not really… good? At the whole word thing. So, I hope I got my point across when I said that you… I like you for you, Tim. Yes, you’re handsome, but that is one piece of an entire puzzle of attraction.” He laughs softly. “Does that even make sense? I really mean it when I say I’m not good at words.”

“So, let’s skip that part.” Tim smiled, and then pulled Martin in for another kiss. 


End file.
